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Orange Is The New Paris

Dear Paris,

While I'm certain you've received some wonderful advice on how to cope with your impending jail sentence, I'd like to offer some advice from my area of expertise: wearing that orange jumpsuit.

I've never had the unfortunate experience of wearing such a garment, but I do know a little about fashion, and enough to help you pull off such a look.

I've seen you in shades of citrus, girl. Tsk. Tsk. Get a good tan before you get to the big house, because you may not see enough daylight while there to pull off the color in question.

Accessorizing that monstrosity is not going to be permitted. That means no belt. So, let's make sure you get a proper fit upon arrival. May I suggest a high waist? The fit flawlessly flatters your female assets.

Let's ponder pegging. While the pegged pant leg may be a thing of the past; I'm positive you can bring it back. And with a vengeance. Just be sure to watch the circulation; bulging vein covered ankles look good on no one.

If the garment you're required to wear is short sleeved, spend your free time gnawing away at the cuffs. The end result will be akin to the unfinished edge of even the most glorious Chanel skirt, and you will be amazed at just how much time flies by on achieving such a look!

Use those nails, girl. Stuffing removed from your mattress can easily double as shoulder pads. Just slip a small stack under your bra strap and you're good to go. We're not trying to recreate the Dynasty look; but enough padding to bulk up those shoulders may make the other inmates think twice about causing a catfight.

No bra? No problem! Ask one of the guards for some scotch tape.

You can do this, PH. And with my tips in mind, look fabulous the whole time.

Sincerely,

Frankie

  1. Blogger Alex | 5/15/07, 2:03 AM |  

    LMAO, wow.

  2. Blogger Frankie | 5/15/07, 2:47 PM |  

    :)

  3. Blogger yllwdaisies | 8/10/07, 12:48 PM |  

    You know my BIGGEST pet peeve about PH? The girl (using that term loosely) doesn't work, has tons of time & money. And her nails ALWAYS look horrible! There's just no excuse for it.

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