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Frank Gumola - Journal | Weblog

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Picnic Nitpick

Dear New Neighbor,

Hi! Welcome to the wonderful world of the Lake Avenue Suites! I'm sure you and your family will enjoy your new dwelling. While I have your attention, please permit me to touch upon a few points of politeness we here in the building deem to consider "Common Sense Practices":
  • While everyone in the building is encouraged to enjoy the courtyard, please enjoy just that: the courtyard. "The courtyard" is not the sidewalk directly in front of the door. Your indoor furniture looks marvelous outdoors and I'm sure the protective layer of plastic helps keep the little one's accidents from ruining the fine upholstered fabric. Still, it's a bit bulky and out of place in the middle of the doorway, don't you agree?
  • That "bang!" and "pow!" you heard while I tried to maneuver my way through your makeshift picnic (again, directly in front of the apartment entrance) was the sound of my man purse (containing one solidly built laptop) bouncing off of your young one's head. I swear I was as careful as I could be, and it was truly an accident. This time.
  • I'm fairly certain the birds will be happy to finish the pizza crusts you so lovingly threw at them, and with such precision! You really should play professional baseball. But the pepperoni slices on the sidewalk? An accident waiting to happen, dears.
Again, welcome to the building! Behave as if you have some brain cells and we'll get along just fine.

One more thing: I would have sent out handwritten invitations to all the neighbors. Lavender scented ones.

This entry was posted by Frankie, on 6.25.2007. You can leave your response.

  1. Blogger carmilevy | 7/15/07, 8:23 PM |  

    Ah yes, neighbors. Morons, more like it. Our next-door neighbors have had parties spilling into the street for the past two Saturdays running. I've held my tongue so far, but that'll stop if this continues.

    It's enough to make me want to move to the country. Having no one on either side of me sounds like a nice way to live.

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